JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is angry with his free spirited girl for and assuming it’s business as usual
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice:
‘Cocky lover’s wife looks like a supermodel – so why is he having grubby sex with me?’
‘I can’t keep my hands off best mate’s hubby – I’m scared I’ll bonk him on group holiday’
‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’
Sting in the tale
My girl enjoyed months of group sex with strangers and now expects to slip back into bed with me.
She likes to describe herself as a spiritual, sensual being. She enjoys chanting, meditating and embracing her inner goddess. I have no problem with any of that. But what I DO have a problem with is her recent trip to the Far East where she explored a form of tantric sex in a bid to ‘find’ herself. She’s always been interested in this ancient tradition. She’s all about increased sexual energy, extended orgasms and pleasure.
She flew out to an alternative commune in January where she threw herself into a workshop with a controversial leader. She was there for months. She indulged in all sorts of therapies from naked stroking and cuddling to group sex with gurus and other punters alike. She proudly posted stuff on social media that both shocked and humiliated me. Call me old fashioned but, in my book, cheating is cheating and her groping and fondling other men and women in the name of enlightenment is still a bunk up…
She took the long way home via the beaches and bars of Europe and is now back for the beginning of the new term. I’m in education and earn the money. She’s broke and simply expects to pick up her old life like nothing has happened. If anything, she says she’s excited to teach me everything she’s learned and gushes that our sex life will be much improved by her investment in our relationship. She claims she made this trip for me as much as her and that I should be prepared to be educated and amazed. Is that right?
Here’s the sting in the tail. What really irks me is the sheer front of the woman. She went on a hedonistic journey and expects ME to be grateful.
JANE SAYS: Your partner has been away for months.
She can’t simply expect to breeze in and slot straight back into your life again. From what you say a lot has gone down since January.
Not only has she explored her body (and those of several others too) but she’s bummed around Europe in absolutely no hurry to get back and spend the last of the summer days with you. Selfish? Entitled? Deluded? All of the above? You tell me…
She needs to be told to hold her horses while she re-acclimatises and you think this through. Surely her first appointment needs to be with your local sexual health clinic (GUM) for STI testing and possible treatment. She can also speak to her GP practice regarding the services they offer. Make it clear that you have no intention of sleeping with her until she can provide a clean bill of sexual health.
The other issue is that of money. Did she have access to your cash on the trip? Does she now expect you to bankroll her into the autumn? What plans does she have to get a job and, possibly, pay you back? This sounds like a very lob-sided, uneven relationship to me. Where is the love, the consideration or the respect? I’m not suggesting she needs your permission to live her best life, but does she ever think of anyone beside herself?
He’s cramping my style
How do I get my nightmare of a boyfriend to move out?
A few months ago, I hurt my leg. He moved in to help me and has never moved out again. My life is hell.
He decides what we eat and where we go. He has a rule for everything, and I feel trapped. It doesn’t feel like this place is my home anymore. Admittedly he’s paying half of all my bills, but he gave up his flat without discussing it with me first. When I complain about him getting under my feet, he calls me ungrateful. I told him on our very first date back in 2022 that I like living on my own.
JANE SAYS: Your guy has got to be stopped. You have to tell him, today, that this is not the way you want things to be. Yes, of course you’re grateful, but you need your life back.
Could it be that when you told him that you weren’t interested in living with him, that he took that as a personal challenge. He waited until you were incapacitated, saw his opportunity, and swooped in. Now his feet are firmly under your table and he’s begun the process of taking over. Sadly, if he becomes difficult or nasty, then you must get support in showing him the door. Share this. Talk to trust friends and relatives about your plight.
Mate is not here for me
Since March, I’ve lost my partner and my job. I’m living with my aunt and life is not good.
When my best friend was in trouble, I gave her money. I called her every day and helped her to find a new job.
Now she never rings to ask how I am. The only time we ‘speak’ is when I message her.
JANE SAYS: You’re struggling and your friend is simply not there for you. Do you conclude that she’s not the person you thought she was? Did she ever offer to pay back the money you gave her?
Stop messaging her and see what happens. Sadly, if she simply drifts out of your life, then you’ll have to accept that you and she are done. You have enough on your plate without worrying about her.
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