JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who realises he went too far and wants a fresh start
His ex wants nothing more to do with him (stock)
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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
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Sleazy sex with strangers is leaving me cold
My ex-girlfriend left me the night I smashed up her stuff.
She came home to find that I’d slashed her clothes, stamped on her make up and broken the heels of her shoes. I was sobbing in the corner. I tried to explain that I’d got drunk at an office leaving do. One of my smarmy colleagues had wound me up by saying how gorgeous and sexy she was. He wanted to know how a pearl like her was going out with a troll like me. He put it into my head that she was probably bonking several, more attractive guys.
I flew home and started going through her stuff for evidence of cheating. I swigged from a bottle of tequila as I ransacked and then started destroying her belongings out of sheer anger and frustration. Our bedroom looked as though a bomb had hit it.
She walked in but didn’t say a word. Instead, she surveyed the carnage, turned on her heels and left. She’s not returned my calls since.
I didn’t blame her then and I don’t blame her now, but I desperately want her back. I behaved like a jealous, suspicious monster. I was wound up and vulnerable.
Now I can’t find anyone as good as her. She was the best person in the world.
I’m alone and I feeling deeply unloved. I’ve tried dating but sleazy sex with Internet strangers and even old flames has left me cold. If I’m honest I think my ex deserves to give me a second chance. Yes, I was a complete moron on that fateful night, but it was the only time in three, otherwise good years, that I let myself down.
Dare I contact her again? Dare I ask for a fresh start?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you leave your ex alone to concentrate on her new life – a life without you in it.
You can dress it up whichever way you like, but on the night in question you let yourself down. You drank too much; you smashed up her personal property and (I strongly suspect) left her feeling terrified and confused.
From slashing her clothes to deliberately breaking her shoes you caused hundreds of pounds worth of damage to say nothing of the emotional trauma inflicted. Are you inclined to transfer a sum of money to cover the cost?
Yes, we do all stupid, mindless things in life. We might drink too much and allow others to get inside our heads, but you need to own that night and learn from it.
Do you need to speak to your GP about the effect alcohol has on you and your behaviour and self-esteem in general? Consider it. Take Internet dating and soulless sex off the menu for the foreseeable future.
At the moment you’re pinging from one unsuitable lover to another without thinking about what you’re doing. Consider your treatment of others and sexual health. You need to get back to finding out who you are and what it is you want out of life. You must learn to love yourself. In time another individual will, hopefully, come along who makes you feel happy again, but that person is not your bruised ex and there is no rush.
I can’t stand her daughter
My new partner’s daughter is an entitled brat. I can’t stand her. She’s 22 yet stomps her foot and shouts and screams until she gets her own way. She’s embarrassing to behold.
My partner is a clever, accomplished woman yet seems terrified of her. The daughter only has to suggest she wants something or to click her fingers and my partner flies into a panic. I don’t like the fact that this daughter is rude and demanding and thinks nothing of getting my partner ‘at it’.
Yet anything I say by way of criticism is twisted around and I’m accused of being jealous and controlling. How does that work?
JANE SAYS: Your new partner and her daughter are clearly very close, and it sounds as if the mother is more than happy to race around on special missions. If you’re already sickened by the young woman’s brattish behaviour, then maybe you don’t fit into this mix after all.
I’m not suggesting that your partner should drop her daughter for you, but if jealousy and friction are already raising their ugly heads, then would YOU be happier in a completely new set up? I suspect the girl is wary and suspicious of you too. Is it in your best interests to step back and take stock?
Entitled ex expects the world
I call my on/off boyfriend the ‘human yo-yo’.
He pings between me, other women and his long-suffering folks. One minute he’s off pursuing a fantastic new lover, the next he’s back (broke) with his tail between his legs. He constantly starts and quits jobs too and I’m sick of him assuming he can simply slip back.
JANE SAYS: Why do you continue to indulge this person?
Put an end to this nonsense right now. Tell him that you’re done with accommodating him. If he wants to go off and follow him dreams then that’s one thing, but it’s not your job to continually catch him when he fails. He treats you like a mug, and you need to start accepting that. How much does he owe you to date?
#destroyed #girls #stuff #fit #jealousy
