JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t do anything right in bed no matter how hard he tries
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice:
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‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’
Every little thing I do is tragic
My girlfriend says I’m the worst lover she’s ever known. She constantly criticises my moves in bed.
I can’t do anything right no matter how hard I try. She moans that my hands are too cold, and my breath is too hot.
She complains when I touch her in the wrong way (too hard or too soft); she whinges when I don’t understand what she wants regarding certain positions and expects me to read her mind.
I’m at my wits end. In the past few months, I’ve tried everything I can think of to pleasure her and turn her on. I’ve invested in sex toys. I’ve taken her down the common to watch the doggers (she really didn’t like that). I’ve splashed out on expensive massage oils and lingerie, but nothing floats her boat.
The people a few doors down are swingers and I even managed to wangle an invite to one of their special ‘Saturday night swingathons’. But all my girl did was get off with the two hunks who run the local window cleaning business. I was forced to sit back and watch while they shammied her all over, leaving me picking my feet.
In our own bedroom she thinks nothing of shouting at me for failing to excite her.
When I beg her to be less harsh, she snaps: “How else will you learn?” I’m ashamed to admit that she regularly makes me feel hopeless. I worry that we have no natural rhythm and intuitiveness and that my days are numbered. How can I change that?
JANE SAYS: Your girl displays a very nasty and insensitive streak each time she criticises your moves and tells you that you’re hopeless. I get the impression that you do your best in the bedroom, but things can’t be helped by her knocking your confidence at every turn.
Has she never heard of compassion, patience or working together? I suggest you talk to her away from the bedroom and make it clear that you try your best every time you get naked with her.
Maybe you’re no Casanova but kindness costs nothing.
She needs to hear that you require her to be more specific and relaxed and to meet you halfway. Sex is about both of you and requires respect and give-and-take. What consideration is she giving to your needs?
Agree to start again, but if you really don’t believe you’re sexually compatible, then you can’t allow her to kill your confidence. That mindboggling night at the ‘Saturday sexathon’ with your neighbours was clearly something of a turning point and eye opener for you.
Is she able to tell you why she sticks around when you disappoint her so much? Is she there for your money, your home or simply because she has nowhere else to go? You cannot allow her to use you if her heart isn’t in the right place. Sex might not be good with her right now but that doesn’t mean that you won’t go on to have fun with someone else in the future.
He wants a key to my door
Does my ex-fella truly love me – or is he simply interested in my home and money? That’s a question I ask myself a hundred times a day.
Last October he dumped me for another woman. He and I had been together for six years and he announced that I’d become boring and predictable. Our break-up was horrendous, and I cried for weeks.
Back in March, however, my spinster aunt died leaving me her house and a substantial sum of money.
Now my ex is back declaring his true love.
He’s dumped his lover and wants to move in with me. So far, I’ve managed to hold him off but he’s pushing for his own key.
JANE SAYS: Not silly, is he?
Back in March your ex-boyfriend unceremoniously dumped you for someone else. He insulted and hurt you. Now he couldn’t be more attentive. Funny that…
Don’t rush into making any rash decisions. Losing your aunt has probably made you realise the importance of living every day to the full, but you’re still vulnerable and raw. Give yourself a chance to properly grieve for your relative and don’t allow your ex to back you into a corner. If he’s genuine then he’ll be prepared to wait for as long as it takes.
Personally, I wouldn’t give him an inch, let alone a penny. I fear he’s an opportunist.
She demands hugs without sex
My partner still expects to be kissed, cuddled and indulged even though she’s not interested in having sex with me. We stopped having intercourse in 2020 because she complained that she no longer enjoyed the act.
She suggested I satisfy myself in private instead…
Yet she still demands affection. I’m angry; why should I supply hugs and comfort when she’s not prepared to give me the full package? I instantly push her away when she dares to come towards me for a smooch – and this leads to her calling me brittle and unkind.
How dare she attempt to use me?
JANE SAYS: Your partner needs to start being more open and honest about her feelings towards sex – and you. Has an upsetting experience or the menopause robbed her of her confidence?
Does she feel insecure about her body; her performance or is she conflicted about her true sexuality? Presumably, one night in 2020, she announced that she no longer wanted to have sex with you without any consultation or attempt to find some middle ground.
How does she think that made you feel? Now, frustration and anger are brewing and both of need to address your problem – and probably seek professional counselling – before this relationship breaks down entirely.
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