JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who suddenly realises that his girl is an outrageous flirt and seductress
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice:
‘Cocky lover’s wife looks like a supermodel – so why is he having grubby sex with me?’
‘I can’t keep my hands off best mate’s hubby – I’m scared I’ll bonk him on group holiday’
‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’
She’s a man eater
My girl is a sexual predator. She actively finds other men to have sex with. She goes out of her way to cheat. She’s flirty, seductive and brazen. In the two years we’ve been together she’s betrayed me numerous times. I’m aware of flings with colleagues and strangers. She has always pouted and argued that it’s not her fault that men find her attractive but it’s not like that. It’s taken me a very long time to realise it, but she solicits attention. She chats to guys in bars and gives them the eye in the street. She hands out her number and tells fit hunks to call her. Far from being an innocent target she is provocative and proactive.
The truth finally dawned on me during a recent holiday. I got ill and was unable to drink alcohol. I spent my days sipping fizzy water, absolutely sober. I sat back and observed her with a clear head for the first time. What I saw shocked me. She was like a dog on heat, attracted to every handsome guy around her. I watched as she fluttered her eyelids at bods on the beach.
Halfway through the hol she went missing for over 24 hours and I suspect she was with bonking a guy in the room opposite.
I called up her ex best friend and told her my theory, and she laughed a hollow laugh. She wondered why it had taken me so long to realise that my girl isn’t the sweet and innocent victim that she makes out, that she’s a predator who gets off on male attention.
Since then, I’ve followed and spied on my girl. I’ve watched her in the pub with colleagues and clubbing with her sisters. In the past I was guilty of burying my head in the sand but now the scales have fallen from my eyes, and I don’t like what I see. How do I rein her in and make her behave when she’s such a sly maverick?
JANE: I don’t like the idea of you creeping around spying on your girlfriend. Where is the maturity or the dignity in that? If you’ve got something to say – an accusation to make – the step up and come out with it.
Ask her for that all important conversation and explain that you’re confused and unhappy.
Point out that you crave loyalty and trust in a relationship. Yet, in the time you’ve been together she’s cheated on you with a number of other guys. She has always claimed that she is a victim – that she’s targeted by horny men and that she can’t help being popular – but she has a tongue in her head, what is stopping her from saying ‘no’?
Lay your cards on the table and outline the kind of monogamous relationship you crave. Is she willing to change? If she’s not interested in staying faithful to you, if she prefers to spread her wings, then would she be better off as a single woman playing the field?
Step back and give her all the time and space she needs. Stop following her around, because that sounds sinister and unhealthy, and concentrate on your own dreams, plans and ambitions. I get the impression that you two have been dancing around each other in a toxic waltz for too long and that’s finally time to nail the reality.
Hols aren’t fur her
My partner is obsessed with our ‘Fur Babies’. She treats our two cats like little queens. She buys special food and spends a fortune on toys.
The latest thing is that she’s refusing to book another holiday because she doesn’t want to leave them. Back in August our neighbour popped in while we were in France for two weeks. My partner felt guilty the whole time we were away. We came home and she fell on the moggies and wept. Now she’s saying that she can’t face going through that kind of separation again.
How do I stop our pets from coming between us?
JANE SAYS: Your partner needs to be reminded that you both work hard and need the occasional break. We all love our pets and feel responsible, but life goes on.
Could you use this time to find a new pet sitting service that your wife is more comfortable with? Explain that you refuse to allow your world to shrink because there is so much more you want to see and do. That goes for days and nights out in your own neighbourhood too.
The cats are great, but they can’t be allowed to take over or ruin, or even dominate, your relationship. Gently negotiate.
Steamy windows
We only have sex in my boyfriend’s car because he likes it that way. He says it’s more exciting, plus the risk of getting caught is super horny.
My mates just think he’s cheap. Is he? He lives with his parents in a tiny flat and, even though he earns a very healthy salary, doesn’t like paying for hotels.
JANE SAYS: You put yourself in a vulnerable situation every time you climb into the backseat with your boyfriend.
He might find it thrilling to have sex outside but what if a dangerous individual or the police were to tap on the steamy windows? How might you feel if your parents or bosses were to find out? You need to consider your safety and reputation. He’s being cheap and unsavoury.
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