WARNING, BEARS: Last week a Tennessee man watched in horror as a bear made off with his chainsaw, in the latest episode in an alarming chain of events where the animals seem to be fighting back
Anyone who’s touched base with the Daily Star’s output over the last month or so may have noticed a common thread emerging.
Nope, it’s not our constant poking of fun at the Orange Manbaby (known to some as Donald Trump). And no, it’s not our unwavering coverage of the (reportedly) alien spaceship 3I/ATLAS, which seems to be hurtling towards us if you believe scientist Avi Loeb.
Third guess? That’s correct – Bears worldwide seem to be in the middle of a bid to take over the world. Yeah, you definitely read that right. Don’t believe us? Read on… this isn’t your usual tabloid bluster, we promise!
A quick recap
Tensions began to emerge last month when a group of polar bears – definitely the scariest type of bears – took up residence in an abandoned Soviet Union-era weather station on Kolychin Island.
Chilling snaps surfaced of the deadly predators grinning at the camera as a drone circled to take photos around the ramshackle buildings. When we asked AI for its take on this strange event, it replied: “It’s like a scene out of a polar bear geopolitical thriller… phase one of the Great Polar Bear Takeover Timeline.”
Terrifying stuff. Meanwhile, 1,600 miles east from the northern Russian island, Japan was forced to send its army in to tackle a vicious bear invasion.
Yep, Japan has mobilised its military following a series of fatal bear attacks that have left over 100 people injured and several dead. The Defence Ministry sent troops to the northern Akita prefecture in response to the escalating situation.
Bears have been sighted near schools, train stations, shops and even hot spring resorts, with daily attacks reported across Japan, especially in the north.
“Every day, bears intrude into residential areas in the region and their impact is expanding,” said Deputy Chief Cabinet Secretary Fumitoshi Sato. “Responses to the bear problem are an urgent matter.”
Akita Governor Kenta Suzuki admitted that local authorities were becoming “desperate” due to a lack of personnel as reports of bear attacks continue to pour in daily.
And then of course, over in the US last week a man could only watch in horror as a black bear picked up his £380 chainsaw and carry it around his front yard. Ominously, the bear then slipped out of view, sparking a desperate hunt for the weapon-wielding beast.
The owner later admitted it might have been a “revenge attack” after he had used it to cut down a tree near his Tennessee home just days before.
So, why are Bears Worldwide choosing this moment to strike against us?
Is it something to do with the recent disastrous COP meeting in Brazil where once again the world has agreed to do absolutely nothing about climate change?
Or, are they working in tandem with the “aliens” onboard the 3I/ATLAS spaceship?
That’s not for us to say. Just stay safe out there.
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