WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT. Criminologist and psychologist Alex Iszatt says people seeking such violent deaths often want to ‘seize control’
A man accused of torturing and murdering a “vulnerable” British woman allegedly filmed her saying that she had travelled to the United States to be willingly stabbed. However, he behaviour in heart-breaking footage now suggests that she changed her mind.
Sonia Exelby, 32, reportedly appears in the video sitting on a chair with bruising across her face, neck, and breasts. Dwain Hall, 53, arrested on suspicion of her murder and kidnapping, then allegedly asks her why she’s come to meet him.
“Because I am an awful person,” Sonia replies. “I’ve crushed everyone who ever loves me.”
But detectives noted that in the footage, Sonia appeared to be hesitant and upset.
Investigators reportedly found messages sent by Sonia to a friend that suggested she’d had second thoughts about being hurt. Sonia, from Portsmouth, was reported missing after she failed to board her return flight on October 13.
Police subsequently arrested Dwain after her body was found in a shallow grave in Florida on October 17. Court records say that their meeting was arranged after the pair started chatting two years earlier in an online fetish chatroom.
Disturbingly, police allege Sonia was suicidal and travelled to the United States “to be possibly sexually abused, tortured and murdered.” Hall, who has admitted to having violent tendencies, claimed Sonia had been suicidal and wanted to be killed.
Criminologist and psychologist Alex Iszatt says people seeking such violent deaths can “be an attempt to master internal pain”. She told the Mirror: “The sexualised script is a way to actively stage and seize control over deep-seated feelings of powerlessness and self-loathing that may have haunted her for years.
“The online world offered her something else entirely: a validating community that normalised her interests, a shared identity rather than a solitary crisis.” But Sonia sent a message to a friend on the online messaging platform Discord on October 11 that suggested her reported change of heart.
“I’m sorry he keeps taking my phone,” she reportedly wrote. “He doesn’t trust me with it.
“He made it clear there was no way out unless I shoot him. I was questioning it last night.” The last message reportedly read: “I’m so scared I’m so broken and in so much pain all I can do is lay here and doing what gee [sic] wants.
“Makes him respect me enough not to do the things I really hate. Everything but some are.
“I’m sorry I don’t even know what I’m saying and I’m trying to be quick and my times up.” Iszatt explained: “People seeking this kind of pact can be pursuing a way to express [themselves].
“The fetishistic framework is less about desire and more about using its intense, symbolic power to give meaning to an act of despair.” An autopsy reportedly revealed Sonia died from four stab wounds.
If found guilty, the American car mechanic will probably face the death penalty.
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
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