Nicky Wake, 54, is bisexual, and realised this when she was a teenager. However, when she married a man in 2002, she said her family assumed her being attracted to women as well was “just a phase”
Bisexual identity is often overlooked when a bisexual individual is in a ‘heteronormative relationship’. That’s why Bisexual Visibility Day (23 September) holds such significance for those who identify as bisexual, as it honours them and acknowledges the history of bi individuals. The day is marked as part of Bisexuality Awareness Week, which aims to highlight bisexual identities and the societal acceptance of bisexual people.
Nicky Wake, 54, identifies as bisexual, and came to this realisation during her teenage years. However, when she tied the knot with a man in 2002, she said her family assumed her attraction to women was “just a phase”.
She revealed she first found herself drawn to women when she was merely 15. She shared: “In my teens, around age 15, I started to notice I was attracted to women.
“I remember looking at an advert for Baby Oil in Just 17 magazine and finding the image of a naked woman’s back arousing.
“I was confused, especially as I had just kissed my first boyfriend and knew without doubt that I fancied him too! At the time, I wasn’t aware that bisexuality was even a sexual identity, so I dismissed those feelings as just a blip.
“When I was 17, I was dating a guy who openly identified as bisexual. I found that really attractive because he seemed comfortable with his sexuality and progressive.
“We fell in love and moved in together. A year or so later, I opened up to him about my feelings for women.
“He encouraged me to explore my sexuality – I think secretly hoping for a threesome! What actually happened was that I had my first fling with a woman, which I really enjoyed.
“Not long after, I met a Portuguese woman, fell head over heels, and eventually left my boyfriend for her. We split up later when she moved back to Portugal.”
Nicky found her “soulmate” in 2002, but felt her heterosexual relationship erased her bisexuality – particularly in the eyes of her family and friends.
She revealed: “I met and fell in love with a man, Andy Wake, my soulmate, in 2002. Andy knew I was bisexual and was incredibly supportive and understanding.
“However, I often felt that friends and family assumed that, because I married a man, I was now heterosexual and that my bisexuality had been ‘just a phase’.
“After Andy passed away, people seemed to expect that I would naturally only date men again, given my long-term monogamous relationship with him.
“In reality, though, the first person I was intimate with after my loss was a woman, a friend, which felt instinctive and natural.
“Losing a life partner makes you question everything about yourself and about life-including your sexuality. It made me see that life is far too short, and that I should open my heart, mind, and body to love again – whether with a man or a woman.”
Now Nicky, who resides in Manchester City Centre and works as an entrepreneur, is living authentically, and said it’s “refreshing and honest”.
Nicky emphasised the significance of Bisexual Visibility Day, stating that “it raises awareness of bisexuality in the mainstream and encourages open conversation and debate”.
She further explained that “it helps to normalise bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation, while also dispelling myths and breaking down stereotypes and preconceived ideas about bisexual people”.
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