Ted Robbins, 70, is a comedian and actor best-known for his roles in Phoenix Nights, Ackley Bridge and The Slammer, writes Peter Robertson.
His sisters are actresses Kate and Amy Robbins, his niece is actress Emily Atack, and their cousin is Sir Paul McCartney who is said to have written the song Teddy Boy about him.
Liverpool-born Ted lives in Rawtenstall, Lancashire, with Judy, his wife of 36 years, with whom he has two children and two grandchildren.
What did your parents teach you about money?
My dad Mike would say: ‘Money is a bridge between you and the awful things in the world. It doesn’t buy you happiness, but if you haven’t got it, it can bring you misery.’
He was a redcoat and a showman, and met my mum Betty when she was on holiday at Butlin’s in 1954. When The Beatles were on the up, my parents were skint – mum’s cousin Paul McCartney bought them a house in Bebington on The Wirral. For a while Dad ran a grocer’s shop from the house, and a couple of times Paul and John Lennon served in the shop.
What was your first pay packet?
My first job, at 17, was as a compere/presenter/trainer of a performing dolphin show in Porthcawl. I earned about £40 a week and spent it all on wine, women and song – the rest I squandered.
Down to earth: Ted is best-known for his roles in Phoenix Nights, Ackley Bridge and The Slammer
I got on well with the two bottlenose dolphins, but many years later, doing a similar job at Knowsley Safari Park, I realised it is wrong keeping these intelligent mammals in tanks. I have since campaigned against it.
Have you ever struggled to make ends meet?
Yes, regularly. I once won £5,000 on TV’s You Bet and was asked ‘which charity will you donate it to?’ and I said ‘can I keep it please? I need it more than anyone!’
The worst time was after I got my first regular telly job, Weekend on Granada TV, earning £250 a show which I thought was fantastic. I started living like I was a TV star and slowly slipped into my overdraft. By the time I married Judy, in 1989, it had risen to £11,500. Thankfully, Judy had an accountant who helped sort the mess.
Have you ever been paid silly money?
After returning from doing a warm-up for Des O’Connor at Thames TV, which paid £200 a night, a lady rang asking if I’d do a corporate weekend in Ascot for a debt recovery agency. She said: ‘We were thinking of paying you seven,’ and I replied, ‘£700 for a weekend is not bad,’ and she said ‘no, £7,000’.
It included a round of golf, accommodation and meals – everything on a tab. That was great.
What’s been the best year of your financial life?
In 2004, when I got residual payments for the DVD box-set of Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights. There’s nothing like money for work you’ve already done!
Peter is a great friend and I see him quite often. He gets on very well with Dorothy, Judy’s 92-year-old mother, who lives with us.
What’s the most expensive thing you bought for fun?
I’m very unmaterialistic. I’m passionate about rugby and played as a front row forward for my school, at under-19 county level, and two local clubs.
I played in my 50s so I could have a few games with my son Jack. I used to wear rubbish boots and so bought the ones I wanted – Adidas Flanker – for £75. By then I was past my best, but it was an indulgence to buy posh boots like they wore on the telly.
What has been your biggest money mistake?
About 20 years ago I decided to change our Ford Mondeo for a bigger car.
At a dealership, my then 13-year-old daughter Molly and I saw a second-hand navy-blue BMW 7 Series with ivory leather seats. Molly urged me to buy it because there was a telephone in it, and I did for about £20,000. Three months later, after the warranty expired, it was making a funny noise. A mechanic I know inspected it and said: ‘That’s f***ed, Ted!’ It taught me a lesson: take my wife everywhere! We then got a sensible car, a Nissan.
Well connected: Ted with Lulu back in 1984 – the pair co-presented ITV show Some You Win with Carry On star Kenneth Williams
What is your top indulgence?
Nice red wine. Paul McCartney once gave my dad two bottles of Chateau Lafite, and dad gave one to me. To save it for Christmas, I put it to one side by the kitchen stove. Months later, on Christmas Day, a friend told me it was worth thousands, but when we opened it the wine smelt off. Because we’d kept it in a warm place it corked – all of it went down the sink.
The best money decision you’ve made?
To buy a house. The first house Judy and I bought 37 years ago was a tiny end-terrace in Stacksteads. That cost around £40,000 which I could just about afford. I’d never been able to save money until I met Judy, and owning property without a mortgage is wonderful.
Do you have a pension?
Yes. A friend in the pension business advised me to take out a small one. I did have two or three, and kept one which I get a bit from to go with my state pension.
The wisdom is to have something to fall back on, because you might think you’re the king of the world one day and then it all comes crashing down. People see you on telly and assume you’re a millionaire, but as my dad also used to say: ‘You’re a star when your bank manager tells you you are.’
Do you own any property?
A semi-detached house in Rawtenstall. It’s not a palace, but it’s a lovely house with four bedrooms, and a unit for Dorothy.
If you were Chancellor what would you do?
I’d persuade massive corporations to give more, especially to the NHS. Many years ago I met the former Labour Chancellor Denis Healey at Westminster after he’d had what could be described as a very good lunch. He was hugely ebullient with his famous eyebrows, just as Mike Yarwood used to impersonate.
What is your No 1 financial priority?
To have something to leave my children and Judy.
In January 2015, while performing on the opening night of the Phoenix Nights Live tour at Manchester Arena, I suffered a cardiac arrest and ‘died’ for 20 minutes, before my life was saved by an ex-member of the Royal Army Medical Corps and a consultant vascular surgeon who were in the audience.
When I was having treatment at Wythenshawe Hospital, Peter Kay would come and sit with me for ages. When you’ve peered into the void like I have, you know the truth of the saying: ‘If you’ve got your health, you’ve got everything.’
- Ted wants to thank staff at Wythenshawe Hospital for helping to save his life and looking after him.
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