JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who was left steaming when her mate stood up and hijacked her big day
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She’s obsessed with our sex life
My attention seeking mate put herself centre stage at my wedding and ruined the whole event. She was a nightmare. She wore a big white dress with an enormous hat. She wasn’t due to give a speech but got up and gave one anyway. I cringed as she told everyone about my teenage crush on our old history teacher and recalled how I once embarrassed myself in the playground after mistaking laxatives for chewing gum. Hilarious.
She finished up by saying that she’d already shagged the groom (she hadn’t) and he wasn’t up to much in bed.
Cue laughter – at our expense…
Later she even started opening some of our presents until my Dad stopped her. Then she could be found (drunk) in the corner of the reception telling anyone who cared to listen that she hoped I wouldn’t have children because I’m too selfish to make a good mum. Relatives warned me what was going on and I bawled her out. She went home in a strop.
But then she ruined our honeymoon too by constantly ringing up and asking about how much sex we were having. She’s always been obsessed with our sex life.
Then she worried me with gossip about looming restructuring at my work. My new husband was doing his nut.
She likes to describe me as her best friend but why does she have to be like this? Why can’t she be chilled and respectful and normal? Why does she have to make everything about her to the expense of me and my credibility? She’s just announced that she’s about to be made homeless. She genuinely expects me to make our spare room available to her. I just know that she’ll misbehave and bring strangers back for noisy sex because she cannot be trusted.
JANE SAYS: I suspect your new husband will leave home if your annoying friend sets one foot onto your property. Why do you allow this self-obsessed, annoying woman to have such a hold over you? Why does she get so many second chances when she simply doesn’t know how to behave?
You describe her as a friend, but she’s no ally. If she thought it was appropriate to upstage you and make your special day about her, then she is bitter and toxic. My guess is that she was so jealous about you being centre stage that she simply couldn’t help herself; she had to turn up in an inappropriate outfit simply to make a statement. I suggest you leave her behind as you embark on this new stage of your life. Individuals like her know exactly what they’re doing and drag us down.
Take the time to talk to her today. Tell her that you still haven’t forgotten or forgiven her behaviour at your wedding. She wasn’t funny.
As for constantly ringing you on your honeymoon – what did she think she was playing at? Your life is not a joke. Your relationship with your husband is not something to be mocked and disregarded.
Make it clear that it’s a big, fat ‘no’ to her moving in with you – even for a short period. She’ll have to make other arrangements because she has form and can’t be trusted. End of.
His parents are a nightmare
Meeting my boyfriend’s boring parents was a big mistake. Now I’m desperate to dump him.
The painful hour I sat drinking tea with them was like looking into the future. The Mum is argumentative and narcissistic while the Dad looks like a grumpier, more worn out version of him. Just imagining future Christmases with them chilled my blood.
My guy and I have been together for two years and I always wondered why he was so reluctant to introduce us. Now I know. He’s begging for a second chance. He says, ‘pretend it never happened’. He vows I’ll never need to see them again. But how can he promise that?
JANE SAYS: Your poor guy can’t help who his parents are. Sounds like he’s more acutely aware of their ‘uniqueness’ than anyone. You need to remember that he is not them.
If you’ve been with him for two years and you love him, then you can’t punish him for where he comes from. Tell him that you have no desire to rip him away from his family.
Take a breath and look at the bigger picture. How much time would you have to spend with them anyway? Maybe they were nervous and wary of you on the day in question? You must follow your head and your heart, but he does deserves a chance.
Not even in her top ten
I enjoy an exciting sex life with my girlfriend but I’m aware that I’m just one of many men she sleeps with. Recently, she got drunk at a party and slurred that I’m not even in the top ten of the guys she beds – I’m more of a back-up bonk…
I feel humiliated and insignificant. I know I should walk away, but the intimate times we share are so good that I don’t know if I could stand being on my own again. How do I convince her that she doesn’t need anyone else?
JANE SAYS: The sex might be good with this woman, but it will be even better with someone who values you. You deserve status and respect so don’t allow yourself to be a player in her B Team. Think about your mental and sexual health, plus your dignity and tell her ‘enough’. Get out of her web and start living your life by your own rules.
You’re not going to change her because she sounds completely satisfied with her lot.
I don’t understand why breaking from her will result in a lonely, celibate life for you. I must believe that there are other, better, more considerate potential partners for you out there.
I feel guilty about leaving sis
I’ve been offered a fantastic job overseas but feel guilty about leaving my sister. She’s single and I’m, basically, her social life. She says she’s proud of me and that I should follow my dream, but how can I enjoy myself knowing that she will be alone? Our parents died years ago.
JANE SAYS: Life is for grabbing with both hands and you may not get this opportunity again. Your sister is an independent adult. It’s unfortunate that she’s alone but she is not your responsibility.
You and she can still catch up on calls and during holidays. Encourage her to make new friends and get back on her feet again. What can you do for her in terms of contacts and tips before you go? Does she require professional support?
#Friend #announced #shed #slept #groom #ruined #wedding
